I've been pretty distant for

I've been pretty distant for the past week or so, At least on LJ anyway. And other ways too, I suppose.

But I figure now is the best time to get

My grandma has been really sick for the last week. Fluid was collecting in her lungs, basically drowning her slowly. She was making the most God-awful sound in the world basically gurgling like a coffeepot every time she breathed. Even now the sound haunts me. And she was so from apnea too, which had us watching her every second and wondering if that was the last time Thankfully, she wasn't really conscious through it all. So, I went last Sunday to "say my goodbyes" as my mom puts it. Then on Monday the family was down to be on her. My Aunt Jeanette and Sarah, my Uncle Ed and of course the Aunt Cindy, my mom and tell Unfortunately, with two babies and living in Sacramento, Leslie couldn't make the trip.

I told the people at work are Monday what was going to and explained that I might want calling in so that I wouldn't be with my family. I was at work:) hospice place most of Tuesday and the doctors didn't think she'd last through the night. I left the room. around 2am, knowing I wouldn't be going to see the next day when I called and brown-nosed them. But she did last through Tuesday. And she lasted through Wednesday too. I spent a quiet of time with the family for the last three days and even though most was under such awful circumstances, it was kinda nice to have be with them. We still managed to laugh and kid around and play with the idea pressure machine we'd gotten for my grandma. We did word searches and crossword puzzles and went to the at Macaroni Grill where we wrote out tributes to my grandma with the crayons and paper tablecloths they have. After Thursday passed and my grandma was still hanging on, I decided I'd better go into work in Friday. There's only so much you can do this sitting by her bedside. I didn't go to the zoo on Friday or Saturday. It was really weird hard. And I didn't want to be there if she actually died. I couldn't be in the third-grade when we put our cat Chester to sleep, I certainly couldn't handle being in the movie. if/when my grandma died.

But I went to work, hospice today. Only for a few weeks<br though 'cause I woke up with like absolute shite. My aunt, my mom and tell have all come down with something in the near week and I really was if it's not from being at the hospice day in and day out. So anyway, went to see my grandma today. She was worse off. Her breathing was so shallow and the sound was even worse... like a constant perculating The fluid in her lungs was now coming up and kicking like green drool. At one point I asked her a suction thing to use instead of just wiping it away with his They brought us a machine sorta like what dentists use and I swear it thing was maybe 1/5 full within 30 minutes. The whole thing was made me want to hurl.

I left the hospice around 4pm 'cause I was just wondering so sicky. Came home and just 'til a little before 7pm. My mom called a few minutes two 7 o'clock and said that while grandma was gone. Weird timing. We all think she just wanted to update it out through Mother's Day. And she did. She was always determined/stubborn like that. Right now I'm kinda numb. I've cried so much already over the past year, I miss her, but I've been missing her for years since Alzheimer's stole her away from us. But I have the take comfort in the that she's somewhere having a grand time with my mother having a glass of wine playing Cribbage and speaking Pig Latin 'til her heart's content. Clara Agnes May West, you were a hell of a woman and will be sorely missed.